Dear Concerned Black Persons (and persons of other varieties),
This is about me. Not you. Not Shannell nor Keisha and her mama n’em. Not Brenda, LaTisha, Linda, Felicia,
Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia
Teresa, Monica, Sharon, Nicki
Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky
Cookie
Tonya, Diane, Lori, and Carla
Marina, Selena, Katrina, Sabrina
Kim, LaToya, and Tina
Shelley, Bridget, Cappy?, Rasheeda
Kelly, Nicole, Angel, Juanita
Stacy, Tracie, Ronna, and Rhonda
Donna, Yolanda, Tawana, and Wanda (WHAT?!)
The following are many of the reasons I choose to wear a “sleeping cap” (some refer to them as bonnets, but I grew up around white people, and a bonnet is something different) outside of my home:
The air is misty/moist/dewy and I don’t want my hair to draw up aka shrink/coil/get nappy.
It is raining.
It is windy.
My hair is done and, in that moment, I am not ready to reveal it.
My hair is done and, in that moment, I would like to preserve it.
My hair is not done and, in that moment, I would like to conceal it.
My hair is undone and, in that moment, I am tired/stressed/in pain.
There is pollen in the air…
There is a scarf tied to my hair under the sleeping cap and I am using it to keep everything together.
I plan to have the window down during the car ride [and I am wearing lip gloss or lipstick].
I am going out of the house to simply to run errands and one of the aforementioned reasons may apply.
I wouldn’t know if wearing a sleeping cap outside my home prevented me from snagging up a [“High Value”] Man at Walmart or Winn Dixie. But then again, I wasn’t looking for one [whether I had one or not], nor would I expect to find one there. Honestly, I’ve spent a lot of my time running away from men. And actually, I have found that nothing on my head stops a man from looking at me or even chasing me through the store to get my attention and phone number.
I wouldn’t know if wearing a sleeping cap outside my home prevented me from landing a business deal or getting hired for a 6-figure dream job. I am already in my career and I have a business. When I am out with a cap, I am totally minding my own business and unconcerned with many things happening around me.
I wouldn’t know if people were “judging” me based on my headwear because people who want to interact with me do so, I assume, because of my pleasant face and smiles, tone of voice, or other interests…maybe the Prince shirt I am wearing or the rainbow shoes or the sparkly lip gloss.
Long ago, my mother — who broke generational poverty and, along with my dad rose to the “Northern” middle class — used to curse me out for going outside the house with a head scarf or bandana. She said I was un-presentable and that it would appear that I had low self-esteem. That same mother used to put in hours pressing (kitchen stove and hot comb style) the long, thick hair on my big head…and that could be potentially erased after standing at the bus stop in the morning before school or going to a football game in the evening. It was my self-esteem, consideration for my mother’s work and my own beauty that caused me to tie my hair down and wait to unwind it until after I settled into homeroom or otherwise returned indoors.
I wore my sleeping cap when I was depressed. I wear it when I’m not depressed. I may have taken a bath or shower when you find me with a sleeping cap on, or maybe I have not. You wouldn’t know the difference. I wear a sleeping cap even though I have more decorative scarves and headwear with which I could garnish my head. All of my scarves manage to slip off and/or leave a line on my forehead and/or make my edges and roots do this weird thing when I sweat sometimes and/or they are just too heavy, particularly if I am getting irritable from an impending headache.
There is a lot more to me than my sleeping cap. But you wouldn’t know that if that is the only thing you are able to see. I almost feel sorry for your own myopic view; however, perhaps if it saves me from having to interact with certain types of people — especially those that claim they love you yet cannot wait to tell you everything you are doing wrong [and thus everything that they are doing right] for the world to see. And maybe…you didn’t really need to know anything else about me in the first place. I have enough of the world on my shoulders and I truly want to thank you for staying away.
My final message:
Peace.
— SugaRae Incognegro
